I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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