Bisexual people are plain selfish.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
