I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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