I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
