I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
