I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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