Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
