Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
