On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
