i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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