Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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