I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
