His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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