Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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