Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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