it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
