Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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