It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and she was petting her beer can
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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