I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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