When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think my fart just growled at me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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