I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize