I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
