Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
