she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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