i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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