So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
