TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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