I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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