I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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