it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
