I wanna bring you to show and tell
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Let's get the cat blown out
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
