What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
