Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
