"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Everyone says I win the strip club
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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