Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I accidentally had phone sex last night
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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