yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
