There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
