I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
