went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
