DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
