Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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