just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
