If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
