I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
