It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
