so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
