Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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