He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize