eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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