so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
