she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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