Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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