Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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