seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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