"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
