I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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