I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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