The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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