a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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