I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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