I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize