Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill