the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.