There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?