Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.