she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral