Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
