I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
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hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
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bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?