Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
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I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.